Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I’ve got another single-person grievance to air. It involves the holidays, special events, parties.

And being forgotten.

I hate to bring this up now since it’s a holiday weekend and it has not happened to me recently but I did see something in the last few days that reminded me of past instances. Here’s the scenario: You catch up with friends. Ask them how their birthday was, what they did for the game, how was their long weekend?

And then they look like a deer in headlights. Because they had a party. And forgot to invite you. And you hear this famous line:

“Oh, well I would’ve invited you but…”

They stumble over a lame excuse like it was mostly couples or mostly family or mostly my spouse’s friends. But what they’re really thinking is Crap! I should have invited her but I forgot! Again! Now she telling me “it’s ok” but in reality she thinks I’m an asshole. Because I AM! And you have no idea if what they’re telling you is true or if they’re just covering their ass. You’d hope, since you’re friends, that it’s the truth but that still doesn’t cushion the blow. No it does not. Because being forgotten sucks. And it hurts.

And what’s worse? The logic behind their excuse doesn’t pan out. You’d love to meet their couple friends. You’d love to meet their family. You’d love to meet their spouse’s friends. Being excluded for any reason is still being excluded, no matter how you dress it up.

Now I am not a perfect person. I am not a perfect friend. I realize my friends are also not perfect and that priorities change once one is in a couple, but don’t forsake your single friends for your coupledom! And this doesn’t apply to all couple friends. It doesn’t even apply to all my couple friends. Your singles know they won’t get to see you as often now that you have someone else’s schedule to consider, but keep them in your mind. And for goodness sake don’t assume that being the only single person in a room full of couples will make them feel left out. Because I guarantee being left out completely is worse.


I picked this song because I was reminiscing today. In the summer of 2009, I was staying with my mom before I moved to New York and I used to sit in her living room with the windows open and read books. I’d have a playlist going that my friend Megan Belden had given me and this song was part of that. I listened to it today on my boss’s back porch while reading The Help.


246 of 365 for postaday2011


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